Thursday, May 11, 2006

All the news that prints in fits

One thing is certain: this assignment in Michigan is as slow as Star Jones' metabolism. However, it DOES make one hunger for reading material, if not a hunting knife to fillet the next person who has even a vague midwestern accent. In the past two weeks, I've averaged four to five crosswords a day, attempting to consume the news in their respective papers as well (yes, I eat the news...wiseass). Now, two of you (Jordan and Solomon), know about my favorite headline of last week (as reported by USA Today, of all periodicals):

"Free Comic Book Day is Graphic, Novel"

It gave me a chuckle. So, I've been keeping an eye out for headlines or stories that raise a wry smile. They don't have to be clever. They can be also be worded in an unfortunate manner. Here are today's:


"Iraq Set to Unify Security Forces to Battle Chaos" (reportedly, the Greek "Founder of all things" could not be reached for comment)

"An Agency's Worst Nightmare: Ads Created by Users" (the heroin spots for Nike are particularly fucked up)

"Judge in Enron Case Delivers a Serious Blow to the 2 Defendants" (tee hee)


"Babies Get Their Own TV Channel"

"Are We loving Orcas to Death?"

"'Poseidon': What a Sinker!"

"Police: Boyfriend Apologized in Murder"



"Squid Saves Drifters"

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