- Think outside the box.
- I'll shoot you an email.
- How does Wednesday sound?
- Let's fly this up the flagpole and see who salutes.
Unfortunately, his inadequate feline vocal cords garble each phrase so much that I'm pretty sure these potential employers will be expecting a 400 pound Korean barber. No matter. I will stay the course.
You may be wondering what my interview strategies will be. Well, I'm glad you're so interested. I plan to hire a female impersonator to act in my stead. Now, I know what you're thinking! You assume I mean I'm having another man pretend to be me and that man happens to be a female impersonator on the side. This is incorrect. The man will dress as whomever it is he impersonates (I'm told Cher is popular), and then, dressed as that woman, he/she will then pretend to be me. Imagine a very masculine Dolly Parton sporting a mustache, and you'll begin to understand where I'm going with this. And where is that? To the top, baby. To the top.
The point of all this is to create a smokescreen in order to hide my insecurities and nervousness. Because I'm nervous. And I really need a job.