Friday, May 28, 2010

Indianapolis: Greek God of Indians

We find ourselves somewhere between Akron and Columbus Ohio at the moment on a trip to Indianapolis. Akron, it should be noticed, shares a lot in common with my hometown of Bangor, Pennsylvania in that they are both towns in which absolutely nothing ever happened. After we mistakenly drove through a particularly bad section of Akron, I couldn't help but think there'd be a high crime rate in the town if anybody actually lived there. Despite the ubiquitous economic depression here, the local newspaper seems surprisingly left-wing. I suppose that's one of the reasons this state is so confounding around election time.

One of the pleasant discoveries we've made (well, that I've made...Mandy and her friend Cris have known about them for some time) is a series of quick-marts called "Sheets." Their signature novelty is an express deli system they've dubbed "MTO," which stands for "made to order," though we came up with alternate meanings:
My Testicle Odor
Mike's Tremendous Orgasm
Mis-Tentacled Octopus
My Toaster's Off

And so on. Anyway, more to come from Indianapolis and Sunday's Indy 500.

Friday, May 07, 2010

Squeezing out a blog on the road

I'm pretty certain I am doing myself a disservice by not using my Droid to blog while travelling. Well, I have cast aside the clunky barbarism of desktop publishing and have joined the ranks of the most painfully annoying cocksuckers ever to embrace technology: the smartphone bloggers. Now I can keep everyone posted on what songs I'm listening to, what hilariously misguided notions I have, and what colors and textures I'm finding in my feces. I'm told scatological humor is big right now.

Speaking of smartphones and their signaling the rapid decline of Western civilization, I observed a gentleman at the office I'm currently slaving for scrolling through email on his Blackberry during the first few minutes of a lecture on fire safety that was being delivered by some poor dope who was unlucky enough to be slapped with the thankless role of "safety warden" of our building. I want nothing more than to see his comb-over melt off of his dumb face as the flames remind him that he doesn't know where the fire exits are. Rules are rules, after all. And now you die, you self-important dildo.

All that negativity aside, I am curious to see how successful this mobile blogging goes. I'll...keep you posted! LITERALLY! LOL OMG STFU