Friday, July 29, 2011

Risen...LIKE THE MIGHTY PHOENIX

Years ago, some friends and I had a sketch show called Friends of Davey Jones. That enterprise is, as Dickens may have observed, as dead as a doornail. So, I have decided to redirect my insufferable narcissism and create this mighty turd you see before you. What you'll eventually find here:

1. Hard-hitting, bacon-oriented commentary
2. The return of the Kitten Vlog (the original star bit the big one)
3. Videos of my area (static photos are for girls, Weiner)
4. Regret

What you won't find here (from this point on):

1. Sentiment
2. Compassion
3. Pity
4. Virtue
5. Amusing anecdotes about children
6. Wholehearted recommendations
7. Life tips
8. Convention photos
9. Tributes or memorials
10. Praise of Guy Fieri
11. Praise of Dane Cook
12. Cautionary medical tales
13. Discussions of music or bands
14. Catchphrases
15. Unconditional love of Brooklyn
16. Hope
17. Self-respect
18. Integrity
19. Revelations
20. Quick and easy recipes

I look forward to working with you.

6 comments:

mugwatch said...

There are a lot of photos of your pumpkinhead on here.

Gabe said...

Well, no single picture captures my giant head, so I had to go for quantity.

sarah kain gutowski said...

No quick and easy recipes? Boooo. Boooo. Bad form for a bacon-loving blogger, I say.

Gabe said...

I like my bacon the way I like my women: straight-up, juicy, and artery-obliterating.

jason said...

Let's not forget crispy, fried, and applewood smoked!

Anonymous said...

You'd have more followers if you talked about sausage instead. It's basically bacon, just all chopped up w spices