Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Stamp out hunger

I'm not sure if any of you fellow citizens of the United States have tried finding the price of one standard U.S. postage stamp, but it seems that this simple question can't be answered online. You'd think that on USPS.com, there'd be a big box surrounding strong, red type reading "your current standard U.S. postage is: blumpty blump cents." Sadly, their "Pricing Calculator" gives you the option of sorting out every non-standard option that isn't the simple base price. It's a perfect existential puzzle. It's sort of like going to the car dealer and hearing:

SALESMAN: Airbags cost $80 each to install.

YOU: Great. How much is the car/

SALESMAN: Also, automatic steering will be an additional $200.

YOU: Fine. How much is the car?

SALESMAN: $15 a month will get you satellite radio.

YOU: How. Much. Is. The. Car?

SALESMAN: Let's talk about seat warmers.

YOU: Let's talk about your impending funeral.

Just mad, I tells ya.

4 comments:

Paul said...

You know . .my father is a used car salesman. I purchased my current vehicle from him without even test driving it. I made him fix the broken cupholder first though.

Hackett said...

Ah, so you have a parcel to hand off to your local postmaster, eh? Can we do anything else for you? Fill up you Studebaker with Petrol and regalvanize your tires, perhaps, you old bag?

Gabe said...

You know, I hadn't thought about it, but you're right. What the fuck, am I 80 years old?

Anonymous said...

haha. you know i went through the same thing mailing a parcel last week. honest to god the last time i actually bought a stamp it was $0.27. when they told me it would be more than $0.40 i asked if i broke a window. and for the record i went to the post office on wendesday and there was a line.