Saturday, February 27, 2010

I Hereby RELEASE THE BAN!!!

As with most folks with half a brain in their corpulent, American heads, I occasionally go through periods of intense self-loathing. I also go through periods of trying to find gainful employment. Those two seemingly conflicting factors led me to restrict readership of this blog for a period of time because I entertained the fantasy that potential employers would Google my name and find my slightly abrasive blog and, upon reading it, would electronically render my application null and void by the power vested in the Mayor of the Internets. I've since realized that said potential employers are most likely squeezing out giant dumps on my resume and they may not, in fact, actually exist. Unicorns dry-humping on the corner of 22nd Street and 4th Avenue, Brooklyn are a more probable sight right now than job offers.

So, eschewing the traditional story, I offer a few snippets of what I've been thinking about lately (OOOOOOOH, I bet you're SOOOOOO excited. All six of you):

1. Diversity really isn't all that great (now I'm just attacking potential employers, but whatever). A moron from Zaire is much the same as a moron from Long Island City, only the fellow from Zaire may have an exotic accent, depending on who you're talking to. My point is that far too much attention is being paid these days to the source of the ideas over the ideas themselves. Employing some asshole from Mozambique because it's a sexy idea and it fulfills some misguided notion that a corporation appears more sophisticated is not a sound business stratagem. If the person you just hired is spouting off the same bullshit rhetoric as everyone else but with an Australian twang, what's the fucking point?

2. Continuing that idea, I think it's high time all companies became meritocracies. And I'm not talking about grabbing the best and brightest from colleges and other companies. Resumes can be fabricated and GPAs misleading. Before the interview, throw the fucker a trident and have him fight a polar bear. Now, we're talking utile skills. Better yet, tear the candidate's resume up in front of him and ask him to defuse a bomb or everyone in the office dies. You're looking at a future CEO if he gets through the first few wires without sobbing.

3. New York goes out of its way to remind you of how much you both love it and hate it all the same time. It's the reality TV show of cities.

More to come. There's too much to say right now. Horrifying explorations into a curmudgeon's routine. Stay tuned, won't you?

12 comments:

mexican blue said...

I love your curmudgeon-ness. And I'm glad you released the ban.

JCN said...

This is you, right?

Other question: If you just changed the name on the Blogger Profile ("Dick Basket, Attorney at Law") would that solve the problem? I've thought about going the same route.

Gabe said...

that's me, alright. You know, it bugs me because, technically, shouldn't he be "Gabriel Da Silva?" It thought one includes the "da" when he has it in his name.

Maybe I'll change the bloggo name. Not a bad idea. It's a struggle, though, between my need to keep under the radar of potential employers and my staggering vanity.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ol said...

Dude do you know Jordan Barker?

I really need some contact deets for him, as he (and maybe you?) knows who owns the @olly twitter profile and im trying to track the owner of that down! :)

Please help!

Hackett said...

Staggering, and steadily ascending. Glad to be back in the fold. I thought i had somehow offended you with my cheddar-sharp wit. yay! As you were.

Anonymous said...

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Hackett said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hackett said...

...jesus. RE-ISSUE THE BAN!

Gabe said...

Hahahaaa. Yeah. Yeah... I have to say I didn't get to see the deleted comments up there, but I'm sure they were all very warm.

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