Monday, December 22, 2008

I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

I knew the bus ride would be eventful when I heard, as I tossed my quarters into the coin bucket, the turbaned black lady argue, to no one in particular, that "this ain't no thirty-fo'th street, y'hear? This ain't no thirty-fo'th!" Bear in mind, we were stopped just south of 79th street and any expectations of 34th would be a little on the premature side. Always game to watch lunatics, I grabbed a seat with a decent angle on the woman, who I now noticed was sporting a plastic bag tied to each ankle (either to ineffectively keep her socks from getting dirty slush on them or to stop aliens from biting her shins) and glistening, cherry-red lipstick. I can only assume the lipstick was meant to twinkle because the corners of her mouth were moist with that special kind of spittle that only real maniacs don't realize is there. Needless to say, she continued to squirm in her seat and talk to the air until she got off at 59th street (which I should point out to the reader is still nowhere near 34th Street. It doesn't even have a fucking 3 or 4 in it). As we pulled away, I realized I could still hear her voice because, sadly, she was walking along side of the bus and screaming at it as it rolled out of sight.

At the next stop, what appeared to be Rainbow Brite's grandmother got on, in that she was a seventy-something light skinned black lady wearing a giant blue hat (really. GIANT) and matching vest (with a bizarro-world red, black, and green American flag sewn into it, like, I don't know, she was a citizen of negative-space America) and a fire engine red shirt. She looked like the mayor of Nutsville as she bopped along to her iPod that I would bet good money wasn't even switched on.

Trying to not laugh out loud, I glanced over at this other woman who looked awfully familiar. While I was trying to figure out who she was, I read that the title of the book she had in her hands was "Booty Call" and figured that meant I probably didn't know her after all.

9 comments:

Amanda said...

Nothing like a street crazy or two to cure those holiday blues!

Anonymous said...

His expectation was that Pakistan might let
them have the green signal they will usually
need cheap Quick loans for more recent comparisons,
you could have a look at president george w.

Anonymous said...

Thank уou for the auspiciοus wrіteup. It іn fact ωas a amusement accοunt it.
Look аdνanсed to fаr added agreеable fгom
you! Ву the way, how could we communicatе?


Feеl free to visit my webpage - payday loans

Anonymous said...



Also visit my webpage; website

Anonymous said...

Hi! Do you use Twitter? I'd like to follow you if that would be okay. I'm definitely enjoying your blog and look forward to new updates.



Here is my webpage; Nike TN Requi

Anonymous said...

I am really loving the theme/design of your blog.
Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility
issues? A small number of my blog visitors have complained about my site not working correctly in Explorer
but looks great in Safari. Do you have any suggestions to help fix this problem?


Here is my page Cheap Jerseys

Anonymous said...

Yes! Finally something about Latin.

My page ... cccam disable emm

Anonymous said...

I'm really impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to see a nice blog like this one these days.

My blog :: cccam download Vu Duo

Anonymous said...

Distributed evenly all of this higher than the cozy piece of food right
out the stove. Such a dish may look right taking pleasure in,
rather who have promises you shouldn't include egg to buy a munch? Toaster oven ovens definitely fashionable for most kitchen areas in the present day they may be integral white goods that many it doesn't owner should do without.


Greatest simple utilization of JetSteam Maxi? Along with some consciousness it is possible have a fantasticly decorative timeless
piece for a particular event office. The sad thing is, the actual Raise up and peruse do not have this selection, but it's make a difference know through itself on adjustable for more time locks relating to breads.

Stop by my web site - Compare Prices Toaster Ovens