Sunday, May 20, 2007

I like the melody but you can't dance to it

Insane, hate-mongering religious fanatics are hilarious. So is bashing Canada. So is co-opting a popular benefit song from the eighties in order to spread paranoid, delusional notions of shit-eating ignorance and Armageddon. I give you "God Hates the World:"

I'd hate to point out the more glaring contradictions in this chart-topper, but the biggest question I have is, if God in fact hates the world and it's "too late to change His mind," (in re: the hellish and violent destruction of said world), then why do these vicious sinners, who are from what I can tell limited to homosexuals (and BELIEVE me, I live in constant and sweaty fear of homosexuals, ESPECIALLY in Washington Heights. They'll steal your sneakers, man), need to repent at all? Isn't their ship pretty much already sunk? And if it is, don't they essentially win because they've brought the Apocalypse to your door with their actions? If I were one of the "sinners" mentioned, I'd be laughing in the streets. Sure, I'd be going to Hell, but I'd take a little pride in the fact that I had a hand (or a penis in a man's ass) in ending the ridiculous bullshit the mortal world has in it by the truckloads. And you know what I'm talking about. Football, Hot Pockets, Axe Body Spray, obesity treated as a disease, the word "resilient," Tyra Banks, parent/teacher conferences, competitive consumerism, Tucker Carlson, guys named "Chad," the FCC, morally irresponsible spiritualists who post superstitious garbage on Youtube. It would all go away in a giant ball of fire. And let me tell you, if heaven had some of the earthly delights of this world waiting for its true believers, like heavenly Starbucks or heavenly McDonalds, I'd opt for Hell any day. Especially if Dane Cook's going to heaven.

Also, check out how they're flying the Canadian flag upside down in the background. Nothing worse than CANADIAN homos.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I couldn't watch the whole thing, because I thought I might rip my own eyes out, but I love that there wasn't even any attempt at a rhyming scheme. Sort of like I love a big red hot poker in the eye... of my sphincter.

D.W. said...

Did I really hear them say something about eating their childen? Surely I imagined that.

D.W. said...

I DID! Oh my word. It's right at the 4 minute mark. I knew fags were gross and weird and all. I learned that much from the Blue Collar Comedy guys. But baby eaters! Shocking. Just shocking.

mugwatch said...

I . . . I . . . I have no words. Ew.

Gabe said...

HOLY CHRIST IN A BEAR TRAP, you're right, Jonesy. I totally missed that the first time. These people are actually suggesting that homos eat their own children. Which is kind of wonderfully impossible.

Amanda said...

I am deeply offended by your post more than anything it references. Oh, Gabe, if you only knew how much love we had to give.

--Chad (on behalf of the Chads of the world)